When I was a kid at Halloween...

Ahhh...homemade pumpkin spice latte and I didn't have to spend $4 at Starbucks! Just brewed some coffee, added pumpkin spice creamer, whipped topping and a dash of cinnamon= delight. Halloween has come and gone. Candy is now on sale...75% off from what I hear...Thom and I are left with a bowl full of candy. There weren't as many trick or treaters as we had anticipated. Times have changed. I remember when back when my family and I lived in New Jersey the candy bowl would be emptied quick! It was disappointing to see kids not even dressed up but walking door to door opening up their backpacks and just coming for the candy. Izzy's snoring exhausted from a busy weekend. I actually dressed him up in 3 different outfits...poor kid. The first was his Halloween "day" outfit...an orange "I want my mummy" outfit with a pumpkin hat. At night we put a robot costume on him that he fussed in so we changed it to his knitted Link outfit from Legend of Zelda. He looked so precious all curled up in daddy's lap greeting the trick or treaters!
I was all nostalgic on Monday night remembering when I was a kid getting all dressed up and ready to hit the streets with my friends and older brother. One of my favorite costumes was being dressed up as a green crayon and my brother, a yellow one. My mom is so creative and she made these costumes for us. Another year I dressed up as a panda bear...very appropriate seeing how in Manitoba, Canada it had already snowed! I recall going from house to house in the city sliding on a layer of ice! But who am I kidding? The best part was the candy, of course! My brother, Brian and I had a plan...we would go to several houses and fill up our Halloween bag and then return to our van and empty out the stash in a garbage bag. When we returned home later that evening we emptied out the garbage bag on the living room floor and sorted through the glorious stash! There were all sorts of candies from mini chocolate bars, to Dots, Starbursts, Tootsie Rolls, to Rockets, lollipops...even the weird brown papered wax kind you didn't really know what it was! The candy would last a long time too until we eventually forgot we still had Halloween candy and it would be too stale to eat!
I look forward to the day when Izzy will be excited about dressing up in his own costume of choice (as opposed to his mommy putting an outfit on him!) I will probably claim the chocolate candy or at least some of his stash and thankfully we probably won't have any snow or ice!

With Jesus in the boat...we can smile at the storm!

I just watched an adorable video of my nephew singing with his daddy..."With Jesus in the boat we can smile at the storm..." He filled in the word "boat" in his cute, little voice and it really hit me. We are teaching our children what we learned as children. The teachings of God and of the past never die. That song was a favorite of mine through the years when my family and I helped out with C.S.S.M (Children's Sand and Surf Mission)--a ministry in Ship Bottom, New Jersey to teach the Bible to kids out on the beach through skits, Bible stories, games, devotions, etc. It sure was a fun time and I think fondly of my memories there. Some of my favorite times were bonding with others and the Lord out on the beach in the warmth of the sun, the smell and feel of the ocean breeze, and the sunrise and sunsets I got to see everyday. I don't think any sunrise and sunset is quite as beautiful as it is over the ocean. The words of that simple, childhood song now fill my heart. "With Jesus in the boat...we can smile at the storm..." Powerful words. Whatever my boat is today...my "lot" in this life at this time, I have the ability and power to smile even in the face of trials and change.

I was reading a devotion this morning written by Joni and Friends founder Joni Eareckson Tada that reads "Jesus squared off sin because He knew it was the ruin of those He loved. We feel His love most when He makes us most conscious of our rebellion. If you desire to become more like Jesus, if you want to get closer and know Him better, then be prepared to have Him uproot sin from your life." The word "uproot" really hit me. It reminds me of my love for gardening. I had a extremely difficult time about 2 years ago trying to clear out a ton of ivy to make room for a garden at the house I was renting. I worked out there for hours and began to find that the more I dug down in the soil to remove the ivy, roots and weeds were so in-grown that I had to trace them back to where they began sometimes all the way across the other side of the "garden"--it was very tedious but I knew that in order to create a good garden it had to start with good soil. I actually rented a rototiller to help me do the job! Man, I would love to get back into gardening again. It was quite humorous though once I actually started planting flowers and vegetables and things started sprouting up I got so excited and asked my next door neighbor what was growing. She politely pointed out that I was mostly growing weeds! Grrr. Today I realize that Jesus is in the "boat" of change and uprooting with me and hates my sin --my weeds more than I do. That is humbling that He is at work within me to work His ways.

I look at my little baby boy--of only a month old. He is a gift that we didn't plan for or intend on having at this stage in our marriage, but a true blessing. Sometimes when I'm nursing him I'll look into his deep blue eyes and catch a huge grin across his face. Some say it's just gas but I really think he is smiling. It is comforting to know that Jesus loves him more than me and knows him inside and out. I look forward to teaching him the songs that my brother and I were raised on..."with Jesus in the boat we can smile at the storm!"

my baby sporting his superman onesie! 

the sunset as we are leaving Charleston, SC...

Fearfully and wonderfully made...

The house is so quiet...just a couple of sounds in the background...Izzy's mechanical swing, the sound of him sighing/breathing, the squeaky recliner and the sound of me typing. It is still hard to believe that I am a mother. A mother...such a lofty, high calling role...that I do not feel worthy of at all. I keep sensing the word "grace" when I think about how unqualified I am to be a mom. I pray every day that I'll be the kind of wife to Thom and mother to Isaac that they deserve. I know I cannot do this on my own and each day I learn. I look over to Isaac "Izzy" swinging and he makes these adorable squeaks and moans as he sleeps soundly. Occasionally he will smile and start laughing...at only 2 weeks old...I wonder what he is dreaming about. I don't like when he gets this frown on his little face and looks worried-even afraid for a second. How complex and intricate we are as human beings--even as newborns.

One of the most comforting verses I read during my pregnancy was Psalm 139..."For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made....Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." We had a "sneak peak" look inside the womb...through the 2D and 3D ultrasounds...but to think that all along the Lord could see Isaac being formed and not only that--He was forming him! Next to Psalm 139 in my Bible I have written in the margin "01/05/2011...Little life inside me, the size of a lentil bean-grow, honey, grow. Can't wait to kiss your sweet face and hold you close." Wow. I am so thankful for you Isaac and thankful to the Lord for protecting this life and carrying him to completion.

me and my baby...i love his dinosaur pj's! <3 

just chillin'

baby foot! 

he loves his daddy! 

The Adventure Begins!

So...the last time I updated my blog was when I was just entering into the third trimester of pregnancy. Swollen feet, bulging tummy, and so many questions running through my mind..."what will our baby look like? when will he arrive...early, on time, or late? what's the next step in where we live..." Looking back on this time it's hard to believe that was only 2 months ago. Thom and I now have a handsome, healthy baby boy named Isaac, have moved out of Rock Hill to Columbia into a house. Thom tells people "Yeah, Amy and I like to do all our transitions at once!" Tonight I said to him, "You know, one of those changes alone is enough in and of itself but we've gone through like 3 huge changes!" So...now that I have some time to sit and update this blog my tummy is smaller, my feet are still swollen :-) and I still have so many questions running through my mind. Isaac is sound asleep in the swing with a full tummy and diaper freshly changed. Time is such a gift right now. I looked at the clock and said to myself "now what?" I can...do stuff around the house, eat some breakfast, surf the 'net...awesome!
It sure has been a whirlwind of a week! It's hard for me to comprehend all that has happened in the past 6 days! Let me start back to this past Wednesday and give you a snapshot in words about all that has gone on in the Watson household. Thom and I decided to travel back to Rock Hill Wednesday night to visit our friends and join in on the fun at the middle school youth "End of Summer Bash" night. It was a great turn out and we enjoyed visiting our friends again and hanging out at a lake house. My heart was heavy as we left that night to head back to Columbia. "I really miss our friends here." I told Thom. When we drove out of Rock Hill that night it felt like leaving home again into a new city where we haven't quite found our place yet. As we said our goodbyes to our friends some of them commented on how baby is really growing in my belly and wondering when he would arrive. I said "I've been thinking he'll be late but now I'm hoping he'll come early 'cause I'm really starting to feel uncomfortable!" I had no idea after saying these words what would happen the very next day.
We got home that night exhausted with me feeling worn out and ready to start maternity leave from work. I planned for my last day of work to be Friday, August 19th...so I was down to the wire with only 6 more work days left to go. That morning we went to the OB-GYN and she checked my progress to see where we were in the pregnancy. She told us I'm only a tight finger-tip dilated so if things don't progress naturally I may have to be induced if I go past 41 weeks. At this time I was 37 weeks and 3 days. I got nervous about what she said and I prayed a lot that day..."Lord help baby come on his own when he's ready. I really don't want to be induced!" I heard from childbirth class and other women that being induced speeds up the contractions so that they are one on top of the other and that did not sound pleasant in the least! We went to bed that night with my heart still thinking about our home in Rock Hill and missing friends there like crazy I just wanted to cry. I knew the Lord brought us to Columbia and He would continue to provide but it's been a difficult transition for us to leave all the amazing love and support we have there and the ministry that Thom has poured his heart into the past 4 years.
The next morning was when our life as we knew it took a wild turn! I say that dramatically but that is what it felt like. I woke up that morning around 4 a.m. with painful cramps and bleeding. I told Thom about it and he reminded me that would happen after having the doctor all up in my business the day before. The cramps were getting worse the next few hours so I called my boss at work and explained what was going on and that I wanted to call the doctor and see what I needed to do. I called the doctor on call and explained what was happening and she told me to rest and drink plenty of water and if the cramps and bleeding didn't go away to give her a call back later. I tried to rest but things got worse over the next few hours. I called the nurse too and she basically told me the same thing but to call if things progressed--I did later on that day and she told us to come on in to "Triage" so they could check me out. Thom and I looked at each other as we left the house both thinking this is probably a false alarm but I wanted to be sure. We got to the hospital that night and the nursing staff hooked me up to a machine to monitor the timing of the contractions and baby's heartbeat. It was cool to see right in front of us what was going on inside of me. What made me nervous though was every time the contractions (what I thought was just cramping at the time) got worse, the baby's heartbeat would speed up. Thom would coach me along as another contraction hit..."Ok, baby breathe through your nose...out...in...out...and he...he....who..." we felt like pro's as we just graduated from our childbirth class that Monday night! They gave me some medications through IV and checked my cervix again to see where we were. I was still only a centimeter dilated at around 8:30 p.m. that night so they sent us home. I felt a lot better with the medication running through my body and after falling asleep for awhile in the hospital room doped up. Thom watched some NCSI while we waited to see if I would have to stay overnight or be send back home. We left the hospital that night and a part of me felt foolish for even going in. Maybe it was just "braxton hicks" afterall and I'm making a big fuss over nothing. I don't have a great tolerance for pain and that is something I'm not too proud of! That night we came home and I tried to keep myself busy and distracted. As the pain medication wore off the cramping and bleeding got even worse. We just left and I realized there was nothing that could really be done but just to wait it out. I felt like such a wimp moping around complaining about my body...Thom tried all he could to distract me with alternating from bed to couch to recliner...putting on my favorite TV show "Monk" for me and doing the dishes and several loads of laundry while I made sure my suitcases were packed just in case we had to rush back to the hospital. Little did we know a couple of hours later we would be looking into the eyes of our precious son.
So...after my failed attempt at distracting myself with Monk, a hot shower, organizing, etc. I kept whining about the pain and around 11:00 p.m. that night the pain got even worse to the point where I started screaming. I am not a big screamer so for me to holler at the top of my lungs Thom knew something was up. It felt as if a knife was stuck down inside of me every 5 minutes...excruciating pain. After about 2 hours of this sitting at the edge of the bed rocking myself and falling asleep between contractions...I cried to Thom..."we need to go back to the hospital!" He reminded me we just left not that long ago and I wasn't dilated very much. When I told him the bleeding was even worse he called the doctor right away. We couldn't get a hold of my doctor who was on call that day so we decided to drive in anyway. Around this time it was 1:30 a.m. Friday morning.
It really felt like we were the actors in a movie when I kept screaming from the pain and Thom drove me downtown to the hospital. The way he served me that night and the look in his eyes at the pain I felt and how much he wanted to help reminded me why I married him. He rushed me to the car and we sped downtown running through a couple of stop lights along the way. It really felt like the baby was about to pop out and it was all I could just to keep him in and calm myself down. Things got even more dramatic as we arrived at the hospital. Thom rushed me upstairs in a wheelchair and the nurses checked me out. I was relieved to hear this wasn't all in my head and there was truly something going on when the nurse said "she's 5 centimeters dilated, let's move her down to labor and delivery!" This is it, I thought, I don't feel ready yet at the same time I'm so ready! Thom was moving the car out of the ER parking area and when he came back upstairs he was surprised to find out I was sent to delivery. What a quick turn-around in about 4 hours!
I will spare some details here as there is so much to recall from the hours of 2 a.m. to 5 a.m. but basically the staff there took amazing care of me down to calming me down. One of the funniest moments looking back was when I was crying out in pain before the epidural was administered and one of the nurses looked at me held my hand and said "Let's breathe through this...in and out...squeeze my hand as hard as you can...get angry at me and breathe...but no more yelling." I was getting pretty worked up! Thom said when he was there in the room watching all of this happen he felt pretty helpless..."you were in so much pain and there was nothing I could do." He did so much and just seeing him out of the corner of my eye (when I actually opened my eyes again) was a comforting assurance. It didn't take long for me to reach 10 centimeters and we were surprised when they checked me out again after the epidural took effect and we tried to catch a nap and the nurses came back in and said "Ok, call the doctor she's fully dilated. Let's set up the room!" So this is really it, I thought! Wow, I didn't expect to be there that early...with still 2 weeks and 2 days left until my due date.
The next half an hour was one of the most exciting and exhilarating times of my life so far. My lower body was feeling nice and numb and I felt a lot calmer so that helped out a lot. The doctor came over and the room seemed to fill up with nursing staff. "She's the only one in labor right now so we have a full staff" one of the nurses told Thom and I was well taken care of! They lifted my legs up in the stir-ups and Thom helped to steady my foot and they kept telling me to breathe and push through 10 counts...and repeat. I have never pushed so hard I thought the veins in my neck were about to pop out! It only took 20 minutes and with a final *push* I heard the first cries of our baby boy! I could see his slimy body with his hands and feet flailing in the air. Thom cut the umbilical cord and almost immediately they placed his little body on my chest. I couldn't believe the sight of it all. This little creature was growing inside of me the past 9 months and was actually here with us. It it funny to recall the first words we said when we saw Isaac for the first time. I exclaimed "he is so beautiful!" Thom was standing next to me and said "he looks like an angry raisin!"
The next 2 days were filled with new moments and emotions I had never quite experienced before. I enjoyed the room we stayed in. It was tight but we had the freedom to have Isaac stay with us or head over to the nursery. We opted for the nursery at nighttime so we could get some sleep. Thom was a trooper staying at my side on the uncomfortable pull-out chair in the corner while I slept on the deluxe reclining hospital bed with controls! I miss that bed. Staff was there every hour checking on me making sure my stomach was going down to normal and my vitals looked good. I enjoyed taking Motrin to help with pain as I didn't realize all my body went through in just a 24 hour period!
Leaving the hospital was bittersweet. Part of me wanted to dress up nice and show him off to the world...be home in my own bed and relax. Another part of me felt reluctant to leave all the staff and wondered how things would be at home without all the newborn nursery help. We walked out of the hospital that day with flowers, "It's a Boy" balloon and our bags packed up. We got to take home a lot of free stuff too for me and for Isaac to start us on the journey. That was Sunday and as I write this it's Tuesday morning. It's been a wild week that's for sure! He is only 5 days old today and already I feel like time rushes too fast. I want to enjoy every minute and pray to God that we will be loving, wise parents who raise him in a fun, encouraging environment where I hope one day he will experience what it is like to have his own child...even if he's 2 weeks early! :-)

Some snapshots of our week...

oh how the belly's growing...!



Oh how baby's grown! January, 2011 6 weeks preggo!



Here he is in June, 2011 at 30 1/2 weeks!








Just for today...

The quietness of the apartment soothes my soul. The sounds of my fingers typing, the AC running and fan blowing create a kind of white noise around me. I try to gather my thoughts together to organize what is in my heart to share for today. My heart is still living in yesterday...when I heard about the loss of a client. I cannot go into details because of the confidential nature of the situation, but my heart just breaks. It was such a humbling time processing the loss with my colleagues. I had never seen my boss cry before--at least to that extent--tears of sorrow and pain. Part of me wanted to embrace him in his tears and another part of me wanted to curl up and hide away into the floor. Just raw pain. I don't know what I would do without the Lord Jesus knowing my heart and mind more than I do myself. Having the moment-by-moment ability to call on His name is a privilege I never want to take for granted. I am not alone--He is with me and He is with you.

This past week Thom & I traveled to his hometown of Charleston, SC where we ventured off to Folly Beach for the day. It was a refreshing, relaxing time to get away from the daily grind of work, internet, phone-calls, grocery shopping, laundry, etc. The Lord spoke to me in a very real way that day. We parked the car and headed out to the beach. After unloading all our stuff, beach bags, blankets, lunch, games, and reapplying another layer of sunscreen we hit the water. There is something so sacred about the ocean. Is sacred the right word? Whatever is the right adjective--the ocean has a life, a mind, a being of its own. It is vast, mysterious, exciting, and soothing. I love just floating on the water with my eyes closed or looking up at the blue sky and letting my body rock back 'n forth, back 'n forth. The ocean is loud and I could sense and hear larger waves coming close to me that threatened my relaxed pose...out of fear I'd quickly stand up and jump down into the water not wanting to be taken over by the powerful current. It was such a vivid picture of surrender and trust to me. Allowing myself to rest, to release control, to be in that moment a floater...

As I anticipate motherhood and the many tasks and responsibilities that come with that it is a humbling mental process and yet exciting. All I know of motherhood I have seen through my mom, mothers I have babysat for, and friends that are mothers. I understand a part of what it means to "mother" but not quite yet what it means to be a 'mother.' I image it is something like this week's been for me...to experience pain and unrest (with a crying newborn)...yet to be a floater on the waves of life. 1 Thessalonians 3:2-3 puts it well: "We sent Timothy, who is our brother and God's fellow worker in spreading the gospel of Christ, to strengthen and encourage you in your faith, so that no one would be unsettled by these trials. You know quite well that we were destined for them." Wow. Do not be unsettled by trials...we were destined for them. Just for today I will live in this reality. I will choose to be a floater with Jesus supporting me.

Today I feel like Peter...

It's been 4 and a half months since last I wrote on this blog. Life has been busy...yet there's always much to write. I don't know who reads this blog and even if just me and the Lord reading this, it's worth the effort.

My soul wrestles with itself today. As life moves forward so do relationships. The very joys in life come out of our relationships and the very pains that kicks us in the gut and break our hearts also stem out of relationship. I remember meeting a man years ago, struggling with depression who said to me "If I didn't have any relationships in my life I would be so much happier." That statement really hit me. It's so empty-sounding--to be all alone in this life with no relationships. But, on the other hand, to feel sorrow, pain, rejection, betrayal, grief...all those "icky" things that come with being "together" as people brings this sense of wanting the lone-ranger life. Honestly, it's not really me that wants to be alone, at times I want to guard myself from pain and be totally alone to just digest "people-time"...it's what I hear and see in other people's lives that pains me. When a relationship I hear about is breaking apart, there's a conflict, or a tension I usually only hear one side of the story and this newly formed "Mama-Bear" in me wants to fight, to defend...kind of like Peter who became so enraged with the people of his day in the Bible and trying to defend Jesus sliced off the ear of a soldier with his sword. What did the Lord do? Did the soldier deserve his ear to be sliced off? By all means...YES! But the Lord, in His grace and love, and using that moment to teach Peter restored the soldier's ear back and reminded Peter "this is not for you to fight." Wow.

As I've reached a milestone in my career as a newly licensed counselor there are times I feel just like Peter. I want to cut off the ear of those that inflict harm and hurt on my clients and even in my personal life, on my family and friends. Sometimes....even me. I am reminded again and again it's not my place to inflict harm with harm but good. Prayer--that reaches the heart of those that are struggling to love and inflict intentional and unintentional pain in the lives of others. As I'm now 7 months pregnant with my first child I anticipate having a son and one day soon looking into his eyes and seeing his face (apart from the blurry ultrasounds at my doctor's office.) I imagine there will be many times he encounters pain and heartache and as a "Mama-Bear", I will not always be able to defend, to protect...but the Lord can. Even in the pain, the Lord can and I have confidence, will use relationships in my baby's life to bring clarity and wisdom. It just sucks during the trials, doesn't it? When I hear of loss, broken marriages, Christians who are struggling through depression, questioning the goodness of God in their life, unfulfilled hopes and dreams--I want to rescue. I want to provide in the way I see fit. (Emphasis on "I") Then I am gently reminded by my God..."this is not yours to fight...but Mine." Like that old 70's praise song..."The battle belongs to the Lord." I do pray for all my friends, my clients, my loved ones this time, this place in life-- in all their heartaches and hurts that the mighty God of the universe would be NEAR and DEAR to them each and remind them that He is their very strong warrior and fighting not only with them but FOR them. Amen.

O Christmas Tree, your branches are drooping!

The holidays are officially over...back into the routine of everyday life. When we got home from visiting family in Charleston and Columbia, our Christmas tree looked so sad--drooped branches all around. This is the hardest part to un-decorate the tree and put away all the lovely ornaments...especially our two "Our First Christmas Together" ornaments. I only made it to the shopping mall once this holiday season and it was a mad house. I had $100 cash to spend and I spent it pretty quick. It's funny how money get be used up so quickly. All those hours of work or a precious "extra" gift given by a family member and *poof* clothes, appliances, books, calendars, trinkets,...it's gone! My favorite gift is a new Bible...English Standard Version with places to journal. It's cool on the outside too b/c it looks like a book--black, hard cover.

These days my heart feels lonely, heavy, searching...what is it about the holidays ending that my heart feels a sudden void? We have been kind of on "quarentine" as Thom's been sick the past 3 weeks with a bad upper respiratory infection that turned into an ugly sinus infection. The medicines prescribed didn't seem to touch the infection so now he's on a dose of meds with steroids--less coughing and no fever--thank the Lord. It becomes a lonely time when a loved one is sick for a stretch like this...especially when it's just the two of us. I look forward to his full health returning! I miss our church family as I haven't seen them for weeks now. Can't wait until our ladie's sunday school class starts back up again tomorrow. A passage the Lord has given me in times when life throws curve balls, loneliness creeps in, and the future feels uncertain is Psalm 139. Here's the ESV right from my new Bible:

"Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night," even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day; for darkness is as light with you. For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my souls knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you." (Psalm 139: 7-18)



Thom & I enjoyed a quiet Christmas dinner together.



Yummy! The roasted turkey fresh out of the oven with roasted potatoes, onions, and stuffing!

Thom & his 1st cousin, Jeff--we stayed with Jeff and his parents for a couple of days in Charleston.

Me and my adorable nephew, Ryland--he's enjoying his new toy--a dino-rocker!

My sis-in-law, Julie, my brother, Brian and me enjoying delicious Outback food!

Comforting words. Far more precious to me than $100 cash, holiday memories and physical health.